COMPARING: FRIST WRITTEN DOCUMENT vs LAST COMPOSTION

Well, my school time is finishing and it’s moment to remember my first written document and compare it with my last composition. My first composition in batxillerat was the next mail, sent to my 1st Batxillerat teacher:

Hello, my name is Guillem and I am fifteen years old because my birthday is the October 19th. I live in Castelló d'Empúries with my parents and my brother that is two years older than me. I like play football and watch on TV, I play in the team of the town, Esplais, with other people of the IES, and my favourite football team is Barça. I also like meet friends and laugh with him.

You can compare this text with my last composition, that it’s about the Skatalà concert:

Skatalà is the best ska band from Catalonia, together with Dr. Calypso and Discípulos de Otilia. This year, they celebrate their 25 birthday with a mini tour of 10 concerts in Catalonia, the first of them in Girona and the last in Barcelona.
When Adrià, Albert, Oriol and me knew that, we decided to go to the concert, it was last March, in ‘La Mirona’ (Salt). We went by train at the afternoon, and we go to Salt by bus from center of Girona, in Salt we went to ‘Espai Gironès’ to have breakfast and to have dinner, then, we meet with one friend who bring us by car to the concert.
In the concert room, we meet more friends from l’Empordà and we played ‘futbolín’ while we were listening ‘The kinky coco’s’ but when skatalà started to play, we separated and I go to the first line alone, there, I enjoyed a lot the concert. At the finishing of the concert, we meet my friends and danced the last songs.
The concert was great and we were very tired, for this reason, we return to home with Adrià’s mother.

Comparing these texts, the first thing you can see is that last one is longer than the first one, that’s to say that now I have more fluency, second think that we can see is that in the first composition I use a lot of simple phrases, but in the other composition, there are more complicated phrases, words and expressions, another thing that is also important is the structure because in last composition we can see paragraphs that are talking about the same thing, while in the first text, the information is not structured and there aren’t paragraphs.
Although there are not very important errors in the first text, vocabulary and grammar are very simple “I like play football and watch on TV.”, but in the other composition there are more complicated grammar and vocabulary “We went by train at the afternoon, and we go to Salt by bus from center of Girona, in Salt we went to ‘Espai Gironès’ to have breakfast and to have dinner, then, we meet with one friend who bring us by car to the concert.”
So, comparing these texts we can watch and improvement of composition’s quality, thanks to improvement in vocabulary and grammar.